Ready?

'I'm not ready'. The dreaded words of both sexes, though for different reasons. My boyfriend cringes at those words when we are on a time sensitive date. I hate hearing these words when we talk about marriage.
Is there some sort of switch or signal that a man needs to 'be ready'? Is it. Some mistical happening where one day he just wakes up and thinks "ready!"?
We have been dating two years and 363 days today. We have known each other for five. We live together, and are about to purchase our very own house. We have the approval of both families...now it is a waiting game on my end.
Most of our friends are married or engaged, and a few are having kids. I feel the tug. Yet..he's not ready...

Curious...

Much...

So it came to my attention recently that I have a slight obsession with getting married. I am sure it is because all my close friends are tying the knot, but who knows. I even found a ring I really like, on the cheap side, but he just stutters.... I start to think yea almost three years of dating, five of knowing each other is enough, but there is a night like tonight where HE, a.k.a the boyfriend says something stupid and insulting, such as if I had mace I would spray myself within a week of having it, that actually made me tear up. I question how much he knows me, really.
Still no job, but hopefully something comes soon. I am now surviving off birthday money and I.O.U.'s. Not very adult like.
Though I am thinking of returning to school, a technical school. But that means more loans, so that may not help.
I had a cousin who was four months older than me die last year, murdered outside a restaurant, and I randomly think of him. And because if him I gave finished my list of forgiving people who I have had problems with me, including ex's. All but one done, a friend who I had a falling out with over trust. I'm not sure why I just thought of that...
Well I am drained and tired.
Night all.

Strange

Since this is my first post, I am not sure what do to! I have no ranting, thus far, nor is anything upsetting me, other than the usual.
I have been searching for a job since I graduated in May, yet nothing has happened. I am a recent college graduate, yet I get looked over for many jobs for some unknown reason. I sit at home, paying bills and slowly but surely running out of money. Over 100 jobs applied for, I am sure.
I feel like a house wife, as I like with my boyfriend, in a split level with my parents above us. I cook, clean, do the laundry...and read. All day, every day. I don't mind the reading part, but I need a job, to make money and to save myself from going mad (Though this may happen very soon).
Oh there is something I need to let out. I hate how Craigslist job site has so many scams! I mean I sign up for a job, and they want my credit report, through their company. Like that will happen. I just need a job, like so many others, and yet nothing...sigh.
I miss college, where I had money from the loans to pay said loans back, since I have to make monthly payments (thanks Sallie Mae for the only loan option where I have to pay while in school).
All in all, the summary is I need a job for more money and to save my sanity before I do something I will regret.